I am once again in Munich, and am staying in my favorite hotel near where my Oma lived. I am here saying goodbye to her dear spirit, as burial maintenance is so expensive that she could only be buried for 8 years.

She was a chain smoker, and I was so allergic that I found it best and most polite to excuse myself to run most every day. I would explore this road and that path, and came across one of my most romantic sights on one of my runs. So today I threw on my shoes, and went running through some old paths by where my grandmothers home was. It was a cute place that overlooked a large wheat field that when ripe would sway under the wind and look like waves of a great pale ocean. I loved it as she did, for that vista was the reason for her home there.

A few large cranes and many many new homes are now built upon the field I came to love so much. My heart just dropped. The smells of ripe wheat are all gone. A little stand of trees that defiantly stood in the middle of the field that I used to love to run through has also vanished, and is now the location of a small grocery.

This is just a very subtle reminder that all things precious always seem to be temporal as well. I suppose they must be in order to be precious. So eventually all the wheat fields and stands of trees must become a side road to someone else's home, or even become a convenience store parking lot. But I... I will never forget how the fields rocked under the summer breeze, and the earthy smells while running through them will always live in my heart.

It has been a very interesting journey. I am in my final day of the cleanse, and it has been really eye-opening.

I played games at a friends home here in Texas where they have cats... no allergies at all. From what I can tell, all of my allergies are gone and have been absent for the past two weeks. I am very happy about this.

I am feeling a lot better. My joints and muscles feel better, my appetite and hunger are much more regular, I am becoming more toned... all in all, an amazing change. I wonder what another month or so would do. I think I will take part of this dietary change with me after tomorrow.

I hate to say it, but this actually works!

What was the hardest part. Eating out... anywhere. Even a vegan cafe leaves little to eat. A place like Chili's or Mexican... no options at all. Anything (if possible) that you would eat must be a special order. Also, it is right in the middle of party season, and the potluck spreads from my friends would break your heart.

Was/is it worth it? I would say yes. Our nation tends to eat lots and lots of crap. If anything, this diet will make really clear just how terrible (or good) your eating habits are. There was a time when the food pyramid included at most 3 meals a week containing meat (not fish). Most people eat meat at every meal now (or close to it). How many salads are in your diet? Salads and such should comprise the majority of your meals. I think you get the picture... the awareness alone of your regular diet is worth this cleanse. You will become so much smarter about food! The funny thing is that you will be compelled to. I constantly check websites to confirm that something was bad for me. Corn bad? Yep! But corn is a vegetable... and baked corn chips must be good... nope! You get the picture.

On another and more personal note, this dietary cleanse has led me to make some choices that really have changed my life. While it wasn't easy, it was a very worthwhile pursuit!

Chile's Chaitén volcano spewed lava and blasted ash more than 12 miles (19 kilometers) into the sky on Tuesday May 6th, 2008, prompting a total evacuation of the provincial capital and other settlements.

President Michelle Bachelet interrupted a speech in the capital to announce that "the volcano is exploding, so a total evacuation of the town of Chaitén has been ordered."

The mingling of lightning and ash seen above may be a "dirty thunderstorm."

The little-understood storms may be sparked when rock fragments, ash, and ice particles in the plume collide to produce static chargesjust as ice particles collide to create charge in regular thunderstorms.

I am absolutely amazed by this picture. The pyroclastic cloud containing all that silica has a side effect of creating stunning bolts of lightning. Never have I imagined such a thing! Just when you thought that natural phenomena cannot surprise you anymore, something so dramatically stunning such as this photo really can humble you.

Well, it has been a few more days than two weeks. I have some very interesting news, but I want to first say that all those people who say that the first week is the hardest... they lie. Each day is in fact a bit harder! However, I am starting to see some huge benefits that I will discuss now.

Foremost, amazingly, my allergies are gone. Yep, gone. I held kittens yesterday without flinching. Normally, kittens would lay me right out... done... check please. Sad, because I love animals too. However, I visited friends who do have cats that I am terribly allergic to, and not a single reaction. Is this a gift from taking on this spiritual cleanse, or is this an indication of all the crap that is in our normal foods. I don't know the answer to that yet. Also, mowed the grass with no problems. Seriously, for those of you who know me, this is amazing. I had allergy shots every day for the first 8 years of my life, and I dose up whenever I am around high-allergen animals like cats.

Second, my sensitivity to the energies around me is growing very strong. Each day I am amazed at what is going on now. I am very pleased about this one!

Third, I feel healthier. I've lost a little bit of weight, am eating constantly, and still have my normal exercise routine. However my skin is softer and smoother. I have scars on my feet from martial arts past that are finally healing after 15 years. There are so many more things, it is amazing!

So these factors are making the fast something more than just a test, or endurance, or a cleanse. It is truly miraculous. Now don't get me wrong... I already have a date with a tex-mex restaurant in Houston the day my fast ends. Oh yeah, a big margarita and a chicken burrito are in my future. However, if I see any reduction of these benefits, I may try and normally be much more mindful as to what I put in my mouth. Who knows...

I want to also note that these benefits didn't even begin to show until just around the two week mark. I was pretty much demoralized on day 12, seeing no benefits except being crabby. Also I made the mistake of purchasing my favorite candies on halloween... and almost wept as I handed them out to the kids

A few days ago, I had a great discussion with a number of my friends regarding the stages of marriage, loss, and change. Basically, there was an assertion put forward that marriage and change incur the same cyclic feelings as loss does. The 5 stages of loss (and by extension marriage and change) are as follows:

Stage 1 - Denial
Stage 2 - Anger 
Stage 3 - Bargaining
Stage 4 - Depression
Stage 5 - Acceptance

The idea is that for both men and women (although a few people at the table felt that only men do this and women magically do something different), there is a denial about the change that happens when one enters a marriage or incurs change. The denial is based on the idea that you can have both your former "single" life, and your "married" life as well. I will personally add that there was a lot of deep sorrow placed on the term "married life" and joy placed in the "single life" definition. So you think you have both the same freedoms of being single and the benefits of being married without any of the responsibilities that go along with marriage. This is the first stage.

Exiting the first stage, you have to recognize your responsibilities and face up to them. No you can't do that anymore because it is your turn to make dinner on those days. No you can't spend an evening with your friends because you have to be at home to watch the kids. You get the idea. This eventually leads to the perception of suffocating or loss of control, and that brews anger. When you are at this point, apparently you are now in stage 2.

Stage three was the most fun to listen to... bargaining. Husband says "I'm going out with my friends tomorrow." Wife says "Not if you want sex this week". This is apparently the act of bargaining, and from what I can tell most of my friends aren't very good at it. Mostly, they laugh about it as if it was futile effort of the past, share requests and compromises and how those didn't quite pan out the way they want. I love the fact that the most common bargaining chips tend to be sex and the shared use of a motor vehicles. In any case, I have determined that if I have many of my married friends around, it is always fun to discuss how bargaining works in their relationships!

Depression sets in after you recognize the futility of bargaining. Something has to go, and until you let you you will remain as a "Stage 4" patient. I have seen a few friends go through this, not just in marriage, but in so many relationships. Usually the signs show up as sighs randomly spread out across a conversation, even if the conversation is a fun one. Depression is a sad topic to discuss, as bringing up what was stressing a stage 4 patient still makes them sigh, even if they have progressed through this stage.

Finally, when you resolve the conflict and embrace the change, you move into the last stage... acceptance. You recognize the loss and adopt your new life. When moving into the acceptance phase, many people choose divorce instead of remaining in the marriage. The question when entering stage 5 is: "Do you fight or get divorced?" Either way, you have embraced the changes and adopted your new life.

So my real thoughts here is that any change can lead up to this. With an ideal partner, you should be able to talk about and embrace these changes... work through them as a team. Why not? While you cannot sync with each other or agree on every issue, why can't you talk through things in the bargaining phase. Perhaps both of you bend a little bit. It seems that doesn't seem to be happening very often nowadays. Note that I am far from experienced in these fields, and very much are an idealist. I have been in relationships for years and I don't remember ever having to rectify my single life with my relationship life in any significant depressing way. When I parted from the relationships, it was usually because our futures were not on the same path, or they do not really understand me. Perhaps this is the point... when you have made that choice, and there is no easy way out, then perhaps it is a very different game indeed.

Shortly after having this discussion, I went to a party and talked to two friends who celebrated 24 years of marriage with several kids produced from the relationship. He plays guitar backwards and makes crazy songs... is very driven. She balances him, being much more relaxed, a very good listener, and has no problem working a farm. Their energies really sync. I am sure they have been through some challenges. Still, I saw something here. I don't think these phases were so bad because what they gained from the relationship far outweighed what was lost. They were happier and more fulfilled, and as a result they embraced the changes that were presented to them.

Now, since this will be on my website, and if you happen to be the spouse of anyone who think I was talking with, then I want to absolutely positively assert that your husband or wife wasn't present, and if they were (which you know they were not), then they did nothing but shake their head and stay out of the conversation.

At first glance this just seems insane to me, but I am also seeing some benefits, as well as warning signs. I don't think I would recommend this kind of cleanse to anyone without consulting a doctor first. To give you an idea, I will cover a number of things that I am noticing...

First, an intense craving for mexican food. Sure I am craving Phở every day... but that is not abnormal for me. However, I have a dream now of a bean and chicken chimichanga with refried beans and rice (including tomatoes of course), and a big ass margarita... ideally that says "Big Ass Margarita" on the glass. This craving extends to pretty much everything that comes in a box, bag, or any food which could be artfully presented at a potluck gathering.

I am also noticing dramatic changes in my weight. I could lose 15 pounds, and I was hoping to do that over a year. I decided to weigh myself twice a day to make certain that I don't lose more than 5 pounds in the month. However, in the first two days I gained weight... 3 pounds to be certain... so I skipped stepping on the scale for a few days because I wanted to not focus on the weight. However, I weighed myself two days ago (day 6) and not only lost the 3 pounds, but an additional 8 pounds too. Holy crap! For the last two days I have been eating as much as I can stand... yep, still losing about 2 pounds a day. So I am really freaking out, and trying to eat more frequent meals, etc..

The first week was terrible for my energy. Now that I am over the first week, I am excited to say that it appears that the first week was the easy one. I was running about 20 miles a week, and now I am somewhere around 10-12. My blood sugar just drops through the floor and my feet just stop. I am fine for about an hour or so after each meal, and then suddenly not so fine.

I'm also a bit more reclusive. Being social seems a bit of a task... energy? Since I am very outgoing, this just puts me into the normal category I believe. Still, these next weeks will be a wonder!

The positives? Spiritually, I am feeling more and less focused at the same time. My mind seems more open, more aware, and yet all over the map. Today, I feel more focused... like my mind is being sharpened and honed as a tool. Physically... not so much.

Try and eat only organically grown foods as they reportedly have 2-5x more nutrients and it will decrease exposure to pesticides. There is no restriction on the amount of food you can eat. The foods listed are only examples of foods to eat. Try to compose meals of approximately 40% carbohydrates, 30% protein and 30% healthy fats. Try to eat any 1 food no more than 5 times a week. Plan your meals ahead of time and try to find at least 10 recipes you enjoy.

Steamed vegetables:
• The primary reason for using steamed vegetables is that steaming improves the utilization or the availability of the food nutrients allowing the GI mucosa to repair itself. Use minimal raw vegetables except as a salad. Include at least 1 green vegetable daily.
• Eat a variety of any and all vegetables (except tomatoes, potatoes) that you can tolerate. It is best to try and eat mostly the lower carbohydrate (3, 6%) vegetables. For example:
3% - asparagus, bean sprouts, beet greens, broccoli, red & green cabbage, cauliflower, celery, Swiss chard, cucumber, endive, lettuce (red, green, romaine), mustard greens, parsley, radish, spinach, watercress.
6% - string beans, beets, Bok Choy, brussel sprouts, chives, collards, eggplant, kale, kohlrabi, leeks, onion, parsley, red pepper, pumpkin, rutabagas, turnip, zucchini.
15% - artichoke, parsnip, green peas, squash, carrot.
20+% - yam.
Add your favorite spices to enhance the taste of these vegetables.

Grains:
• Eat one to two cups of cooked grains per day of those you tolerate, unless you have indications of high insulin levels such as overweight, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes.
• Allowed grains include: amaranth, barley, buckwheat, millet, oatmeal, quinoa, basmati or brown rice, rye, teff.
• Other grain foods that may be eaten are rice crisps and Wasa crackers.

Legumes:
• Eat a variety of any legumes that you are able to tolerate. Soak for 48-72 hours and cook slowly: split peas, lentils, kidney beans, pinto beans, fermented soy (tempeh or miso), mung beans, garbanzo beans, aduki & azuki beans.

Fish:
• Poach, bake, steam, or broil deep-sea ocean (vs. farmed) fish (cod, haddock, halibut, mackerel, sardines, summer flounder, wild Pacific salmon) is preferred - no shellfish (shrimp, lobster, crab, clam).
Chicken/ Turkey:
• Eat only the meat & not the skin of free – range or organically grown chicken/turkey. Bake, broil, steam.

Meat:
• Lamb, buffalo, venison, elk are OK

Fruit:
• Eat only 1 or 2 pieces of practically any fruit except citrus. If possible, it is preferred to eat the fruit baked (such as a baked apple or pear). Like the vegetables, try to eat mostly the low carbohydrate fruits. For example:
3% - cantaloupe, rhubarb, strawberries, melons
6% - apricot, blackberries, cranberries, papaya, peach, plum, raspberries, kiwi
15% - apple, blueberries, cherries, grapes, mango, pear, pineapple, pomegranate
20+% - banana, figs, prunes

Sweeteners:
• Occasionally maple syrup, rice syrup, barley syrup, raw honey or stevia – use ONLY with meals.
• Absolutely no sugar, NutraSweet, or any other sweetener is allowed.

Seeds and Nuts:
• Grind flax, pumpkin, sesame or sunflower seeds and add to steamed vegetables, cooked grains etc. You may also eat nut and seed butters – almond, brazil, cashew, sesame etc.

Butter/Oils:
• For butter, mix together 1 pound of organic butter and 1 cup of extra virgin olive oil (from a new dark jar). Whip at room temperature and store in the refrigerator.
• Use extra virgin olive oil for all other situations requiring oil.

Spices:
• To add a delightful flavor to your food choices, add whatever spices you enjoy.

To Drink:
• A MINIMUM of 6 to 8 glasses of spring, bottled, filtered or reverse-osmosis filtered water every day. Drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water daily. Sip the water, try to drink 1 glass per hour. A few drops of chlorophyll will add a pleasant taste. NO distilled water.
• Small amounts of soy, rice, or oat milk are allowed ONLY on cooked grains or in cooking.

For the time being, avoid the following foods:
all animal milks
all animal cheeses
all corn products
commercial eggs (organic OK)
potatoes – red or white
tomatoes
all wheat products including
breads
white flour
citrus fruits
all fruit juices
all dried fruit
peanuts/ peanut butter
any processed food
fried foods
meat - red meat (beef, pork)
all caffeinated teas, coffee
alcohol

Inflammation is a set of symptoms that includes pain, swelling, heat and redness of an affected organ or tissue. It's the way the body's immune system responds to attack, infection or injury. The immune system response to an unsatisfactory diet can lead to chronic inflammation of various body systems, leading to conditions such as arthritis and various auto-immune diseases like lupus. Recently there has been an increased focus on diets and lifestyle plans that seek to end the cycle of inflammation and its deleterious consequences.

Foods that fight inflammation

A typical anti-inflammatory diet focuses on creating anti-inflammatory prostaglandins instead of pro-inflammatory prostaglandins. Prostaglandins are hormones produced by the body whose function is to regulate the body's inflammatory response. We produce these hormones from the fats we ingest as part of our diets, and it's been found that different types of fat result in the production of different types of prostaglandins. One key part of an effective anti-inflammatory diet is to ingest only ""good"" fats and avoid ""bad"" ones.

1. The good fats - ones you should eat

Omega-3 Fatty Acid, found mainly in cold-water fish like mackerel, salmon, sardines, anchovies, and herring. The oils of wild-caught fish contain a significantly higher proportion of Omega-3 than the oils of farm-raised fish. Other sources of Omega-3 are nuts and seeds. These vegetable sources include walnuts, brazil nuts, and almonds along with pumpkin and sunflower seeds. 

For further information on what to look for when buying fish see the following article from TheDietChannel: Fish Safety & Buying Guide.

2. The bad fats - ones you should avoid

Polyunsaturated and partly hydrogenated fats and oils lead to the synthesis of pro-inflammatory prostaglandins and so should be eliminated from the diet. It's not easy to avoid these ""bad fats,"" as they are found in most processed foods. Trans-fats should be strictly avoided; this can be done by using olive oil instead of margarine and shortening. Olive oil contains Omega-9 essential fatty acids which work in concert with Omega-3 EFAs and increase its benefits to the body.

3. Other foods good for preventing inflammation

A number of other foods have anti-inflammatory qualities and should be part of the diet. These foods contain high levels of <vitamin A, vitamin C, and vitamin E:
• Fruits and Vegetables -- blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, kiwi fruit, peaches, mango, cantaloupe melon, apples, carrots, squash, sweet potato, spinach, kale, collard greens, broccoli, cabbage, and Brussels sprouts.
• Grains -- lentils, chick peas (garbanzo beans), brown rice, wheat germ, and non-instant oatmeal.

Two other essential components of an effective anti-inflammatory diet are Ginger and Turmeric, known since ancient times for their ameliorative properties.


Feel the benefit of the Anti-Inflammatory Diet


People who have suffered any of the wide range of symptoms linked with inflammation can feel real benefits by switching to an anti-inflammatory diet. Among the positive changes you may experience are:

• Reduction in joint pain due to Arthritis.
• Improved digestion.
• Lower blood cholesterol and triglyceride levels.
• Relief from symptoms of Depression and Bi-polar Disorder.


An anti-inflammatory diet follows principles of good nutrition by reducing intake of unhealthy fats, and increasing consumption of healthy fats, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Even if you don't have any overt inflammation, the diet itself is healthy and will do its part to keep you healthy, too.

I was told in a journey that I needed to do a 30 day detox/cleanse of my body to clean away toxins and help energy flow more smoothly. I normally am very against any radical change in ones diet, because it tends to set your body into "starvation mode" and the long term effects are horrid. Now I find myself facing this test, and I hope to share information later along this journey that will help people decide whether it is something they wish to pursue or not. It turns out that there is a lot to be said for reducing foods that are inflammatory. Sad thing is that most everything I enjoy has something inflammatory in it. I pretty much cannot eat out anywhere because almost everything has wheat or gluten in it! What I suspect in the end is that I will say "don't do it... run away". But we will see!

Initially, my research led to the following facts about what common foods are inflammatory:

- all dairy (damn no cheese)
- all wheat and wheat products (including gluten) (damn no fresh bread) 
- all meat (damn no chicken)
- some fishes (damn no salmon)
- all nightshades (like potatoes, tomatoes, and eggplant)... no potatoes!?! WTF, what did they ever do?

But now I am formally getting a list together while I happily eat an apple (I bought a few honey crisps as a treat to start things out right). I found some nifty websites indicating a whole range of foods... what is and isn't inflammatory, and began a plan on what to include and exclude. I found a very good site about inflammation factors (IF) and IF data, which promised a list of everything I could eat. It looks legit, so here is the link...

http://www.nutritiondata.com/help/inflammation#example

I read some bits about how Omega-3 foods are really good, and fatty and processed foods bad. Cool! About two minutes later I noticed apples on the inflammatory list! I spit out the rest of the apple, cursed in a guttural language that would make a Klingon proud, and began to read more carefully... No sugar! Ack, that means no alcohol... yep! I can eat salmon, but only if it is wild (apparently farm raised salmon is just about the worst thing you can do with mercury anyways). Raw jalapeno peppers... um, yum? Almonds and peanuts are good, but Oatmeal is right out (which I bought a whole bunch of on sale lately).

Okay, this is starting to suck real quick! However, I know 2 people who don't eat any of these things because they suffer serious joint pain and also debilitating effects if they even touch a nightshade, so I know there is some truth behind this terribly stupid idea.

Without further ado, here is a sample of IF data for a whole number of foods. For the record, negative is bad, and positive is good.

 

Food	Serving Size	Rating
Almond, dry roasted	1 ounce	56
Apple	1 medium	-62
Bagel, plain	1 bagel	-186
Bread, mixed grain	1 slice	-33
Broccoli, boiled	1/2 cup	73
Butter	1 tbsp	-45
Cantaloupe	1 cup	21
Carrot, raw	1 large	71
Cheddar cheese	1 oz	-26
Chicken breast, roasted (no skin)	3 oz	-14
Corn flakes	1 cup	-182
Cottage cheese, 1% fat	1/2 cup	9
Egg, whole	1 large	-43
French fries, fast food	1 medium	-336
Green beans, boiled	1/2 cup	15
Ground turkey, cooked	3 oz	-60
Ice cream, chocolate	1/2 cup	-127
Jalapeno pepper, raw	1 pepper	55
Milk, low-fat (1%)	1 cup	-33
Oatmeal cookie	1 small	-76
Olive oil	1 tbsp	73
Pasta shells, cooked	1/2 cup	-55
Peanuts, dry roasted	1/4 cup	14
Pork tenderloin, broiled or grilled	3 oz	13
Salmon, Atlantic (farm-raised)	3 oz	-180
Salmon, Atlantic (wild)	3 oz	493
Spinach, raw	1 cup (loosely packed)	80
Strawberries	1 cup, sliced	28
Tortilla chips, plain	1 oz	-91

 

Wow!  So it seems that last year somehow crabgrass got a foothold in my yard, and this year it has permeated just about everywhere in my garden and on the side of my house.  Noelle and I are establishing a garden this spring, and it wasn't until now that I realized how bad it had become.  So what is to be done?  For herbicedes, Drive and Acclaim Extra have shown good-to-excellent efficacy for postemergent crabgrass control.  However, I really don't want to use toxins in my lawn.  The only other option is to remove all the grass and start over, so for now I am reluctantly using Drive in hopes that the crabgrass will die off.

Happy New Years 2004! Just returned from Costa Rica. Soon will have plenty of pics online to share.

I'm about 5 months behind on my journal, mainly because I've got some great technologies I want to include in my journal, and they haven't been invented yet... but as soon as I'm done coding it will all go online. So how was Costa Rica? Awesome! Great! Have a parasite though... ah well... damn monkeys.

Finished the marathon with great time, but I had a broken toe, and there are issues from that whole thing.

Life has a way of moving quickly at times. Julie and I are no longer dating, which is a bit sad. Mom and I are not talking, but my relationship with my sister is getting stronger. I hope mom channels her desire for closeness to my sis for a bit, because she needs it... As far as my mom, who knows. She isn't one to apologize, and the way she treated me this xmas, I really need an apology to move forward with her.

So I am still now a full time telecommuter, which means that when I wake I exercise in the morning, or at times check out the traffic cameras for the area (which brings me a disturbing amount of joy).

Speaking of sad moments, Sherri is leaving to live in NYC! I will miss her so so so much!

Update on my war on Ants! I pushed them back into their holes, but apparently a new front is opening up... gave up on the sticky things, and moving right into chemical warfare.

Oh yeah, get ready for a site redesign. It will take aboua billion months, perhaps longer (you know how life is...)

Amusing site for the month: Google.com, type "weapons of mass destruction" in the find box, and click the button "I'm feeling lucky". Old but fun...

This weekend was yet another Maryland Homecoming. Fun tailgate. This year, Christine came along, and was good company. We ran along this big blow up obstacle course, competing against 10 and 12 year olds. Of course we both got beaten bad because we were just too damn big to fit through some of the obstacles. Still we made it with pride intact... well, as much pride as an adult can have maneuvering in an obstacle course designed for young teens.

Matt on the other hand was really tired looking, having just had another child (well, I suppose his wife technically did more of the having then he did, but still, he has had no sleep, and was a bit beat down). He couldn't even make it to the game. Ah well, what are you gonna do!

I am not starting my formal preparations for halloween, and Christine is anxious to help out. It is fun pouring over tombstones and cackling electronic gadgets and see her get all excited. Who knows, she may be more of a natural then Dave and me put together.

Also, I have had a chance to work on my new digital camera! I have some cool pics of the weekend, including one of Matt and his son Jack...

I've recently seen the amazing movie Himmel über Berlin, translated Skies/Heaven over Berlin yet again, and was touched by the amazing cinematography, dialog, moods, and emotions in a city between two world at a time when all walls were about to fall. I highly recommend this movie! If you do watch it, look at the brilliant use of color vs. greyscale, and the commentary on politics and society, emotions, and love. Look confused when the two finally meet, and wonder why he let her ramble on so long about so many confusing images.

If you do watch the movie, you will be teased by the words from Peter Handke's famous poem, and here are the words...

Today I hiked Peaked Mountain, elevation 2919, ascent 1245, with most of the climb in the last 1/2 mile. It was beautiful, and I would love to hike the top 46 peaks over 4000 feet. The adirondacks are beautiful, and there is a vast wilderness to explore. To boot, Alexander loves the streams, lakes and mountains!

The adirondacks are a beautiful mountain range, eroded by glaciers over time, decorated by birches, maples and beach trees in the valleys, hemlocks and black birches at the peaks. Unlike Shenandoah Valley, oaks are very uncommon (at least in the little bit of the mountain range I've explored.) I haven't seen too many creatures out and about though... a frog, a trout, and a few hawks. This part I definitely enjoy in Shenandoah Valley.

Yesterday, I went canoeing in Lake Abanakee, a nice canoe ride... but Alexander was a _bit_ distressed. It was actually pretty amusing... he kept wanting to jump in and swim, and couldn't understand the purpose of sitting in a canoe. One cute thing, he kept lunging at lilly pads as we glided by, nipping them out of the water as if they were some dangerous threat to the canoe.

I have several companions... of them, two I will talk about here. Jenn (aka: Puffer) is most familiar with this area, and has been a wonderful companion. I think she is a wonderful friend, and I hope to build on that. Jamie, also a good friend, is planning on joining a seminary in a few years if they will take her Apparently she should be a lesbian to ideally get in, but hopefully they will look past her sexual orientation and accept her anyways. I think she would make a wonderful preacher!

In My Tribe

By ETHAN WATTERS
 Jim Goldberg
 The author, center, with his tribe in San Francisco.

 It may be true that 'never marrieds' are saving  themselves for something better. They may also be  saving the institution of marriage while they're  at it.

You may be like me: between the ages of 25 and 39,  single, a college-educated city dweller. If so, you  may have also had the unpleasant experience of  discovering that you have been identified (by the U.S.  Census Bureau, no less) as one of the fastest-growing  groups in America --the "never marrieds".

In less than 30 years, the number of never-marrieds  has more than doubled, apparently pushing back the  median age of marriage to the oldest it has been in  our country's history -- about 25 years for women and  27 for men.

As if the connotation of "never married" weren't  negative enough, the vilification of our group has  been swift and shrill. These statistics prove a  "titanic loss of family values," according to The  Washington Times. An article in Time magazine asked  whether "picky" women were "denying themselves and  society the benefits of marriage" and in the process  kicking off "an outbreak of 'Sex and the City'  promiscuity." In a study on marriage conducted at  Rutgers University, researchers say the "social glue"  of the family is at stake, adding ominously that "crime rates....are highly correlated with a large  percentage of unmarried young males."

Although I never planned it, I can tell you how I  became a never-married. Thirteen years ago, I moved to  San Francisco for what I assumed was a brief  transition period between college and marriage. The  problem was, I  wasn't just looking for an appropriate spouse. To use  the language of the Rutgers researchers, I was  "soul-mate searching." Like 94 percent of  never-marrieds from 20 to 29, I, too, agree with the  statement "When you marry, you want your spouse to be  your soul mate first and foremost." This über-romantic  view is something new. In a 1965 survey, fully three  out of four college women said they'd marry a man they  didn't love if he fit their criteria in every other way.

I discovered along with my friends that finding that  soul mate wasn't easy. Girlfriends came and went, as  did jobs and apartments. The constant in my life -- by  default, not by plan --became a loose group of  friends. After a few years, that group's membership  and routines began to solidify. We met weekly for  dinner at a neighborhood restaurant. We traveled  together, moved one another's furniture, painted one  another's apartments, cheered one another on at  sporting events  and open-mike nights.

One day I discovered that the transition period I  thought I was living wasn't a transition period at  all. Something real and important had grown there. I  belonged to an urban tribe. I use the word "tribe"  quite literally here: this is a tight group, with  unspoken roles and hierarchies, whose members think of  each other as "us" and the rest of the world as  "them." This bond is clearest in times of  trouble. After earthquakes (or the recent terrorist  strikes), my instinct to huddle with and protect my  group is no different from what I'd feel for my  family.

Once I identified this in my own life, I began to see  tribes everywhere I looked: a house of ex-sorority  women in Philadelphia, a team of ultimate-frisbee  players in Boston and groups of musicians in Austin,  Tex. Cities, I've come to believe, aren't emotional  wastelands where fragile individuals with arrested  development mope around self-indulgently searching for  true love. There are rich landscapes filled with urban  tribes.
So what does it mean that we've quietly added the  tribe years as a developmental stage to adulthood?  Because our friends in the tribe hold us responsible  for our actions, I doubt it will mean a wild swing  toward  promiscuity or crime. Tribal behavior does not prove a  loss of "family values." It is a fresh expression of them.

It is true, though, that marriage and the tribe are at  odds. As many ex-girlfriends will ruefully tell you,  loyalty to the tribe can wreak havoc on romantic  relationships. Not surprisingly, marriage usually  signals the beginning of the end of tribal membership.  From inside the group, marriage can seem like a risky  gambit. When members of our tribe choose to get  married, the rest of us talk about them with grave  concern, as if they've joined a religion that requires  them to live in a guarded compound.

But we also know that the urban tribe can't exist  forever. Those of us who have entered our mid-30's  find ourselves feeling vaguely as if we're living in  the latter episodes of "Seinfeld" or "Friends," as if  the plot lines of our lives have begun to wear thin.

So, although tribe membership may delay marriage, that  is where most of us are still heading. And it turns  out there may be some good news when we get there.  Divorce rates have leveled off. Tim Heaton, a  sociologist at  Brigham Young University, says he believes he knows  why. In a paper to be published next year, he argues  that it is because people are getting married later.

Could it be that we who have been biding our time in  happy tribes are now actually grown up enough to  understand what we need in a mate? What a fantastic  twist -- we "never marrieds" may end up revitalizing  the very institution we've supposedly been undermining.
And there's another dynamic worth considering. Those  of us who find it so hard to leave our tribes will not  choose marriage blithely, as if it is the inevitable  next step in our lives, the way middle-class  high-school kids choose college. When we go to the  altar, we will be sacrificing something precious. In  that sacrifice, we may begin to learn to treat our  marriages with the reverence they need to survive.

Ethan Watters is a writer living in San Francisco.